In our study of Genesis chapter twenty four, we will look at arranged marriage from a biblical perspective.
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By now Avraham was old, advanced in years; and ADONAI had blessed Avraham in everything.
The Hebrew word "zaken" is translated here as "old" but it actually means "elder" or one that has matured, grown in wisdom, and deserves respect. The word is being used to explain that Avraham has matured spiritually and is respected by God. Then, we see that he had also advanced in years and that speaks of his physical age. We see that, as a result of his close relationship with God, he was blessed in every way. Avraham was not only wealthy but he had an heir to carry on the family name. He was blessed by the fact that he did not have to worry about how he was going to survive or whether he would leave a lasting legacy.
Avraham said to the servant who had served him the longest, who was in charge of all he owned, "Put your hand under my thigh; because I want you to swear by ADONAI, God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not choose a wife for my son from among the women of the Kena'ani, among whom I am living; but that you will go to my homeland, to my kinsmen, to choose a wife for my son Yitz'chak."
Here, the Hebrew word to describe the age of Avraham's servant is "zaqen" and it simply describes the physical age and it is used here so that we will not miss the fact of Avraham's spiritual maturity. Avraham's last task was to arrange for the marriage of his son and he asks his servant to swear an oath in that matter. The putting the hand under the thigh would be the equivalent of how we raise our right hand. The reason for this oath is that Avraham knew that it was against the will of God for Isaac to take a wife from the pagan culture around him and his family knew and accepted the one true God of Israel. It is also against the will of God for us, as Christians, to take a wife or husband from non-believers. Avraham wanted to ensure that Isaac was united to the woman that God had created for him. We should remember that Avraham had learned a valuable lesson about being united with a woman that was not chosen by God. He had suffered the heartache of Hagar and Ishmael and wanted to help Isaac to avoid a similar mistake.
The servant replied, "Suppose the woman isn't willing to follow me to this land. Must I then bring your son back to the land from which you came?"
"The servant" probably refers to Eliezer of Damascus and he asks a very reasonable question. When we hear the term "arranged marriage", we usually don't think of the woman having a choice in the matter but, here, we see that the woman would have a choice. We also see that Eliezer was looking at the situation from a physical point of views while Avraham was looking at it spiritually and trusting God to work in fulfilling His will. We see that Avraham trusted God to ensure that the selected woman would agree to travel to Canaan. He did not want Isaac to go to his old homeland and it reminds us of a parent's wish to help their children to avoid some of the mistakes of life. Avraham knew that Mesopotamia was a pagan place and he did not want Isaac to go there.
Avraham said to him, "See to it that you don't bring my son back there. ADONAI, the God of heaven - who took me away from my father's house and away from the land I was born in, who spoke to me and swore to me, 'I will give this land to your descendants'- he will send his angel ahead of you; and you are to bring a wife for my son from there.
We see that Avraham is confident that his servant will get a bride for Isaac because he realizes that this marriage will be arranged by God. He remembered God's promise to him and has faith (trust in Him) that it will be kept. The biblical pattern from Genesis to Revelation is that the Father chooses the bride. This is true even today as God has created a spouse just for each of us and we can have the patience and faith to wait or we can choose to make the selection on our own.
But if the woman is unwilling to follow you, then you are released from your obligation under my oath. Just don't bring my son back there." The servant put his hand under the thigh of Avraham his master and swore to him concerning the matter.
Avraham trusted God enough to tell his servant that he was released from the oath if the woman did not come back with him. This reminds us that it is totally a work of God in both the man and the woman. God would have to put it in the woman's heart to accept the marriage proposal. She would not be forced to marry Isaac.
Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and all kinds of gifts from his master, got up and went to Aram-Naharayim, to Nachor's city.
The servant left but took a large part of Avraham's wealth with him. This was to be the bride price but it was not to buy the woman and make her a slave. Instead, it was an assurance of the man's ability to care for the woman. No dad would want his daughter to marry a bum that couldn't provide for her and this was meant to make it clear that the man (Isaac) had the necessary means. This is also a picture of the fact that Jesus would give the ultimate price for His bride which is the church. We can be assured that He has the wealth to take care of our every need!
Toward evening, when the women go out to draw water, he had the camels kneel down outside the city by the well.
When the servant got to town, he went to the well because it was time for the women to come and draw water for the evening. This reminds us that the will of God involves both position and timing. He could have arrived in the middle of the day and sat at the well for a long time or he could have went to another part of town and waited. Instead, he arrived at the right time and place and could be assured of God's prompt provision.
He said, "ADONAI, God of my master Avraham, please let me succeed today; and show your grace to my master Avraham. Here I am, standing by the spring, as the daughters of the townsfolk come out to draw water. I will say to one of the girls, 'Please lower your jug, so that I can drink.' If she answers, 'Yes, drink; and I will water your camels as well,' then let her be the one you intend for your servant Yitz'chak. This is how I will know that you have shown grace to my master."
The servant prayed to the Lord and was basically asking for discernment. We see that he was praying based on Avraham's relationship with God as we saw that relationship described as being mature in verse 1. Instead of trusting in his own thoughts and actions, he trusted in the God of Avraham to work in the hearts and actions of the proper woman. We may not ask the same question but we can ask for the same type of discernment.
Before he had finished speaking, Rivkah the daughter of B'tu'el son of Milkah the wife of Nachor Avraham's brother, came out with her jug on her shoulder. The girl was very beautiful, a virgin, never having had sexual relations with any man. She went down to the spring, filled her jug and came up.
Even before Eliezer had finished his prayer, the Lord had already sent the answer. Once again, we see that being in the proper place at the right time resulted in God's prompt provision. We also see that, when God arranges a marriage and His people are willing to wait for His timing, He provides the best of brides (a beautiful virgin). God gives us the freedom to go ahead and make our own selection but that choice will always be second best to His choice for us. The Hebrew word "b'tulah" is translated here as "virgin" but it actually speaks of a young unmarried woman then we are told that she is a virgin.
The servant ran to meet her and said, "Please give me a sip of water from your jug to drink." "Drink, my lord," she replied, and immediately lowered her jug onto her arm and let him drink.
Avraham's servant proceeds to test Rivka (Rebekah) to see if she is the woman that God has chosen for Isaac. He had prayed for the woman to give him a drink and she passed this first part of the test. She was beautiful but this tested her hospitality which is a sign of inner beauty.
When she was through letting him drink, she said, "I will also draw water for your camels until they have drunk their fill." She quickly emptied her jug into the trough, then ran again to the well to draw water, and kept on drawing water for all his camels. The man gazed at her in silence, waiting to find out whether ADONAI had made his trip successful or not.
The second part of the servant's test had been to see if the chosen woman would water his camels. When camels are allowed to drink, they drink a lot of water and we remember that Eliezer had at least ten camels. This would have required a significant amount of work on the part of Rivkah and we see that Rivkah (Rebekah) did so as the servant watched. Eliezer watched in amazement at how God had caused this to happen as it was exactly what he had prayed for.
When the camels were done drinking, the man took a gold nose-ring weighing one-fifth of an ounce and two gold bracelets weighing four ounces and asked, "Whose daughter are you? Tell me, please. Is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?" She answered, "I am the daughter of B'tu'el the son Milkah bore to Nachor," adding, "We have plenty of straw and fodder, and room for staying overnight."
After having it confirmed by her actions, the servant presented the gifts to her. He then asked to spend the night so that he could get permission from her father. This is a picture of the fact that God has chosen each and every one of us that accept Jesus Christ and become a part of the church which is His bride. When we do so, we are presented with gifts that mark us so that others can tell that we belong to Him. Thankfully, we do not all get our nose pierced but we are presented with internal gifts. We also see that Rivkah did not hesitate in offering him a place to stay and food for his animals. This is a display of hospitality which is commanded by the Torah and is an indication that they were a part of the family of God.
The man bowed his head and prostrated himself before ADONAI. Then he said, "Blessed be ADONAI, God of my master Avraham, who has not abandoned his faithful love for my master; because ADONAI has guided me to the house of my master's kinsmen."
The servant worships God by giving thanks for His guidance. That is a good reminder for us as well because sometimes we do a lot of praying when we need something but forget to say thanks. Our lives can be a continual worship as we pray, follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, and give thanks for the answers and guidance. We also see a progression in the life of Eliezer from unbelief to seeing God in action and now worshiping God.
The girl ran off and told her mother's household what had happened. Rivkah had a brother named Lavan. When he saw the nose-ring, and the bracelets on his sister's wrists besides, and when he heard his sister Rivkah's report of what the man had said to her, he ran out to the spring and found the man standing there by the camels.
Rivkah (Rebekah) ran and told her family about the servant and showed them the gifts that she had received. Her brother Lavan immediately ran out to meet the servant. We see that Lavan was more interested in the material wealth than anything else. As Christians, there are often people that want to run to us and grab onto the blessing that they see happening in our lives. Many times, they will want to join in the ministry but we must be careful because it is with the same motives as Lavan. As we shall see later, people like Lavan can cause some problems in any ministry.
"Come on in," he said, "you whom ADONAI has blessed! Why are you standing outside when I have made room in the house and prepared a place for the camels?" So the man went inside, and while the camels were being unloaded and provided straw and fodder, water was brought for him to wash his feet and the feet of the men with him. But when a meal was set before him, he said, "I won't eat until I say what I have to say." Lavan said, "Speak."
We see some interesting things about Lavan as he noticed that Eliezer was blessed by the Lord. Lavan also took credit for preparing to receive the guests even though he had immediately ran out to meet them. That is the danger of having men like this associated with any ministry. They are quick to see what they can get for themselves and are slow to give the glory and praise to God. This is a sharp contrast to Eliezer's reaction of worship and thankfulness. We also see that a meal was set before Eliezer but he would not eat it yet. Throughout the Bible, a meal is associated with fellowship and fellowship can only happen when the people are united in obedience to the will of God. Therefore, Eliezer did not want to eat until he saw that they were all on the same page so to speak.
He said, "I am Avraham's servant. ADONAI has greatly blessed my master, so that he has grown wealthy. He has given him flocks and herds, silver and gold, male and female slaves, camels and donkeys. Sarah my master's wife bore my master a son when she was old, and he has given him everything he has.
Eliezer begins to tell of how God has blessed Avraham. He did not have to worry about anything except for getting the proper wife for his son. You can almost feel how Lavan would have gotten excited at the prospect of sharing in that vast wealth.
My master made me swear, saying, 'You are not to choose a wife for my son from among the women of the Kena'ani, among whom I am living; rather, you are to go to my father's house, to my kinsmen, to choose a wife for my son.'
Now, he shares his oath with Lavan. As we will see later, Lavan was not used to being a man of his word but he could see that Eliezer was. As Christians, we should not have to swear an oath. Instead, everyone should be able to simply know that we will tell the truth and keep our promises.
I said to my master, 'Suppose the woman isn't willing to follow me.' Avraham answered me, 'ADONAI, in whose presence I live, will send his angel with you to make your trip successful; and you are to pick a wife for my son from my kinsmen in my father's house; this will release you from your obligation under my oath. But if, when you come to my kinsmen, they refuse to give her to you, this too will release you from my oath.'
Eliezer shares the terms of the oath with Lavan and so everyone can see that he has done his part and kept his word. He also tells them of how Avraham had trusted in the Lord to go before him and to select the proper bride for Isaac. It is interesting to note that Avraham had trusted God for many other things and had seen God in action. His past faith had prepared him for this latest test. We, too, will grow stronger in our faith (trust in God) as we see Him at work in our lives.
"So today, I came to the spring and said, 'ADONAI, God of my master Avraham, if you are causing my trip to succeed in its purpose, then, here I am, standing by the spring. I will say to one of the girls coming out to draw water, "Let me have a sip of water from your jug." If she answers, "Yes, drink; and I will water your camels as well," then let her be the woman you intend for my master's son.'
Eliezer explains that he had asked the Lord for a sign to show him God's will. We also note that he did so and was not even claiming God as his god but was doing so on the basis of Avraham's relationship with God.
And even before I had finished speaking to my heart, there came Rivkah, going out with her jug on her shoulder; she went down to the spring and drew water. When I said to her, 'Please let me have a drink,' she immediately lowered the jug from her shoulder and said, 'Drink, and I will water your camels as well.' So I drank, and she had the camels drink too.
The servant describes how Rivkah (Rebekah) had fulfilled the sign that he had prayed for. We notice that it went down exactly as he had prayed.
"I asked her, 'Whose daughter are you?' and she answered, 'The daughter of B'tu'el son of Nachor, whom Milkah bore to him.' Then I put the ring on her nose and the bracelets on her wrists, bowed my head, prostrated myself before ADONAI and blessed ADONAI, God of my master Avraham, for having led me in the right way to obtain my master's brother's daughter for his son. "So now if you people intend to show grace and truth to my master, tell me. But if not, tell me, so that I can turn elsewhere."
Eliezer explained how he had proposed to Rivkah (Rebekah) on behalf of Isaac. We also see that he knows that he has done his part and that the decision is in their hands. That reminds us of the fact that God gives all men "free will" to make decisions.
Lavan and B'tu'el replied, "Since this comes from ADONAI, we can't say anything to you either bad or good. Rivkah is here in front of you; take her and go. Let her be your master's son's wife, as ADONAI has said."
Now, we see that Rebekah's father made the decision based on the fact that he could tell that it was from God.
When Avraham's servant heard what they said, he prostrated himself on the ground to ADONAI. Then the servant brought out silver and gold jewelry, together with clothing, and gave them to Rivkah. He also gave valuable gifts to her brother and mother.
Eliezer fell down and worshiped God because he knew that it was only God that had arranged this marriage and got the family to see it. He then presented gifts (the bride price) to Rivkah (Rebekah) and to her family.
He and his men then ate and drank and stayed the night. In the morning they got up; and he said, "Send me off to my master." Her brother and mother said, "Let the girl stay with us a few days, at least ten. After that, she will go." He answered them, "Don't delay me, since ADONAI has made my trip successful, but let me go back to my master."
Avraham's servants celebrated the success of their journey and stayed the night. The next day, Rebekah's brother and mother tried to get them to stay. We do not know why but we can guess that it was in hopes of getting more gifts from Eliezer.
They said, "We will call the girl and see what she says." They called Rivkah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" and she replied, "I will."
Now, we see that, even though God may arrange a marriage or other event in our lives, He allows us the choice. Rivkah (Rebekah) agreed to marry Isaac and so the matter was settled. We see that Rivkah was a woman of faith as she did not even hesitate as she had heard the story and saw that it was the will of God.
So they sent their sister Rivkah away, with her nurse, Avraham's servant and his men. They blessed Rivkah with these words: "Our sister, may you be the mother of millions, and may your descendants possess the cities of those who hate them." Then Rivkah and her maids mounted the camels and followed the man. So the servant took Rivkah and went on his way.
Rebekah's family sent her with their blessing and her servants. Their blessing speaks of a kingdom coming from her and victory over the enemies of that kingdom.
Meanwhile, Yitz'chak, one evening after coming along the road from Be'er-Lachai-Ro'i - he was living in the Negev - went out walking in the field; and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching.
Isaac was back at home with Avraham in the area where Hagar had cried out to God and we see that he went out to pray. He would have known that his father has sent Eliezer to find him a wife and he was probably praying for her. That is a reminder to us that our finding a wife or husband should start with prayer and not with looking at the physical characteristics of someone. Then, he looks up and sees the woman that God has created to be his wife. It is awesome to know that, when we cry out to God, He listens and will show us His provision!
Rivkah too looked up; and when she saw Yitz'chak, she quickly dismounted the camel. She said to the servant, "Who is this man walking in the field to meet us?" When the servant replied, "It's my master," she took her veil and covered herself.
At the same time, Rivkah (Rebekah) saw Isaac and asked who he was. It is significant to note that Eliezer said that Isaac was his master and this marks a transition where Yitz'chak (Isaac) will take over the role of the head of the family. What a wonderful picture of God's perfect timing as they saw each other at the same time. She, then covered herself with her veil to hide her physical beauty so that Yitz'chak would not base his decision on looks but on faith just like she had done.
The servant told Yitz'chak everything he had done. Then Yitz'chak brought her into his mother Sarah's tent and took Rivkah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. Thus was Yitz'chak comforted for the loss of his mother.
Eliezer told Yitz'chak all about what God had done and, by faith, Yitz'chak accepted her as his wife. We see that they did not have a ceremony or even a marriage license or certificate. They were simply together physically and were considered to be married. We see that he was comforted and this speaks of him letting go of the past and looking forward to the covenant of God. As we shall see the result of this arranged marriage will be a chosen people for the Lord.
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