Christian Marriage Counseling, Transforming Our Minds...**A WORD OF CAUTION** THIS IS ABOUT THE ACTIONS OF TWO CHRISTIANS. YOU CAN NOT EXPECT A NON-CHRISTIAN TO CONFORM THEIR MIND TO THE WORD OF GOD. Solomon (the wisest man in the Bible) gives us a piece of wisdom that will help us to understand how we can have a healthy and long lasting marriage. He said, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" in Ecclesiastes 4:12. Therefore, we should begin our discussion by examining what makes up this three stranded cord. We are given the answer in Ephesians 5:22 - 33 and we will look at each strand individually and then as a whole. The first strand is the mind (psychological relationship) which is found in verse 23 where we are told that the "husband is the head of the wife". Many take this to mean that the man is the boss of the relationship but that is not what it is talking about at all. When we think of "head" we think of the mind and how it works (psychology) and this is in fact the first strand. A husband and wife must have the same overall focus in their mind. Although there will be some minor differences, their minds should generally be focused on the same thing. (As christians, that focus should be on bringing glory to God and that is why we should be very careful about marrying a non-Christian.) The second strand of the marriage cord is the soul (spiritual relationship) and it is found in verses 25 - 27 where we are given the duty of a man towards his wife and to God. The husband is to make his wife holy by teaching her the Word of God so that he can present her to God as without stain or wrinkle. This is the strongest cord because it is God at work in their lives and it is also the foundation of any marriage. As in any house, if the foundation is not good then the whole house is not good. Therefore ladies, before you decide to marry a man, make sure he will be able to help you to grow in Christ and be made holy. If he cannot, then you can be sure that he is not the man that God created for you. The final cord is the body (physical relationship) and it is found in verses 28 & 29 where it talks about taking care of the physical needs. Many today want to base their marriage relationship on this foundation but it will not stand. Physical love will not be the way God designed it if the other two strands are not strong. When the strands are put together in the rope they all work together to build the whole. The key strand (spiritual) is at the heart and if that is good then you will think alike and the psychological cord will be strong. You will enjoy many of the same things and you will be headed in the same direction. Neither person in the marriage will have to feel as if they are dragging the other through their life. Once you are spiritually and psychologically matched then the physical realtionship will be right and even this part will bring glory to God. The greatest marriage tip is to wait on God to show you the spouse that He has uniquely created for you. We know that God has created a special mate for most of us because in Ephesians 2:10 it says: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (NIV translation) That is talking about the fact that God has designed what is best for our lives and He has set out the path for us to follow. If we wait on His directions (that includes choosing a husband or wife), we will stay on this best path. Anything less, will probably result in divorce or a battleground in the marriage and that is not what God designed. For a good example of the effects of not following God's instructions for choosing a spouse, we can look at Malachi chapter two.
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